Category: healing

A FRESH START: A LOVE AFFAIR WITH THE OPEN ROAD

“The world is big and I want to have a good look at it before it gets dark”

John Muir

After four years of a subtle but intense bout of writers block, it took a global pandemic to kick me in the proverbial backside and put fingers upon keyboard, and heart back into words

As of late, taking to the open road has started to become second nature to me. It is in those times of solitude amongst scenes of exquisite and surreal beauty that I have started to find a sense of connection that has always been lacking amongst the hedonistic hustle and bustle of the city, amongst instant gratification and empty promises. Towards the sea, towards the mountains, towards the trees, towards new places, new people, new experiences. Towards all the lakes, rivers, puddles I can get my tail in. Towards myself. I venture forward and relate back.

Here is a young mermaid’s Love Affair with the Open Road

Day 8 in the journey of Human: Apologies to the woman I was.

“I raise up my voice—not so I can shout, but so that those without a voice can be heard…we cannot succeed when half of us are held back.”

―Malala Yousafzai

Another one bites the dust. A potential companion swept under the rug by their own hand and their own broom.

What do I do?

What do I say?

What do I radiate that makes me not fit?

Some may say I am not pretty enough. At least not under this makeup.

Some may say I am not thin enough. At least not under these clothes.

Some may say I am too intense. When I haven’t taken my meds

Some may say I am too strong-willed. When I speak unashamedly.

Perhaps I am simply too loud.

How long have I been numb to my own insecurities? How long have I been bowing down to the pressure of ‘not good enough?’

Too long. Too long.

I am here. I am breathing.

My body is unique. It has marks, and bumps, and bruises, but there is no ONE like mine. My gift.

My voice is strong. My laughter fills up the room and reminds those around me that I choose happiness. My gift.

My emotions bring me colour. I have looked in the mirror and asked myself if I feel too much. I feel just the right amount. The question becomes acceptance, becomes love. My gift.

From this day forth I don’t apologize for the gifts I have been given, not even to myself.

I simply pass my gifts to others.

 

Day 6 in the journey of Human: Humble pie.

Biting into the cake. 3 forks, 3 friends old and new. Where would we be without the comfort of familiar faces in a world too big to comprehend?

“Happiness is only real when shared

– Christopher McCandless

The sweet faces ease the monotony, provide ample distraction, and maybe some love along the way. Regardless, your best friend must still be you. Your real self. No. Your true self! Faces come and go, but the face staring back at you in the mirror stays, ever changing, but still constant there.

Wrinkles, creases, tired wizened eyes. Still alive and still breathing.

The forest with a friend, is not so different as the forest on one’s own. Conversation included within both experiences. The conversation is worries, desires, love gained, love lost. It flows and it pushes. Don’t fight it, don’t force it and with each step you will submit. Feeling each thought. Yes, FEELING. Understanding that thought to the full. The same goes with a more terrestrial companion. Small talk, chatter, but as the path broadens so does the connection. The human connection.

Day 5 in the journey of Human: Feeling with the eyes, seeing with the skin.

‘The seer, the sight and the seen have no existence from each other. It is like a great musician becoming one with his instrument and the music that comes from it.”

-B.K.S. Iyengar

Moments flow, grow, fluctuate. One moment I am in total bliss, and the next in indescribable discomfort. Indescribable because it is significant. Emotionally. Spiritually. This notion and action of doing nothing.

Where on earth does the mind not go? Go to not? Go to not! Go to nothing…

Progress happens outside of one’s comfort zone. The night previous was spent with a fellow Human, preparing food for sustenance. Smoking and discussing to prepare for what was to come. The superb power of successful and selfless touch. The touch skin and also of the eyes. How does one express their love if not through unconditional touch. One discards their vulnerability to address another’s. Gaze. Gaze unto, into. It would be a shame if he understood not.

‘I don’t know how to tell you                                                                                                       What I know                                                                                                                                            All I can offer is my fingertips”

I rest my head upon shoulder. Undoubtedly human.